Fuck Up My Mind?

How was I to have any clue that Jolene would act so bizarrely every time
I tried to get her to be herself, that is, be straight with me?  I never saw this
whole thing coming.  I was fucking blindsided! Suddenly no matter where
I went, she was "around."  Amsterdam is actually a pretty small town, especially
when a "daterape-prefering" stalker is hanging around wherever you go!
In the later case, it is a very small town!
          After the third or fourth time I screwed up my courage to approach
her and speak to her, and was "acted-off," (my analogous term for being
"blown-off" or "jacked-off," metaphorically) I began to wonder if she was mad.
I mean in the sense of insane.  But for whatever reason, I could not believe
that one, though she seemed to make it weirder and weirder, just on
purpose, to confound me.  She royally fucked up my mind, and the damage
remains to this day.  Some honesty would be nice.

Her Usual Preference Is Daterape

I kept hearing the whispers behind her.  They kept implying that her usual preference for a sexual encounter is one wherein she is "somewhat attacked and likes to be bound and cry and pretend she is not happy."  


Naturally, that made me somewhat apprehensive...

SUBSTITUTE HALLUCINATER NEEDED

i was still in Amsterdam........why is  she in Haarlem?  She jumps ahead too much.   i was stuck for a few more days i had paid in advance the days.  so instead of hot day in hell, why not cool A'dam weather.......I need another hallucinater..................a real wanker of a a hallucinater, female.  


Alas, I take another substitute......

Lazy Writer Uses One of His Character's Diary As "Dictionary"

I was on a Quixotic quest and I HATE those......just one more quixotic quest for nothin', Yossarian!
RRRRRRIIIIIIIIGGGHHHHT!

So along comes this strange bitch who has different colored hair every day--it finally dawned on me she was using wigs.  And Wash in/wash out hair coloration, etc.  She calls herself "Judith,"  but she is an American actress called Jolene Blalock.

Judith K's Diary                                           April 2007

Trippin' Time

Well,

The Paneolus genus is superior....I am not knocking Psilocybe AT ALL--some great loves friends and allies there...but YYEEEOWSA!

Took two packages (each once a strong dose)

1 hour ago, and it was the most interesting bus ride yet--all beautiful scenery dripping by like impressionist oils.....I watched Centraal Station dissolve into a big liquid BLOB....and ooze down into the canal....

In it's place quickly a hologram and stasis field that looked LIKE Centraal Station was quickly put there--like I DON'T NOTICE THESE THINGS!!!!

Andre is not the only one notices these things...by the way...he is going to that Blues bar again tonight over by the Prinsengracht...great Brazialian group playing tonight.  I hope my date, Sir Paul, won't mind me hanging out, stalking my prey like a lecherous, leprous she-leopard, I know I'm supposed to give Paul head tonight, but that'll come later.....ah, these mushrooms are good for alliteration.  Klang associations they are called......be very careful......he might HEAR my thoughts.....

oh yeah!!  That's been half the probem--between too much telepathy and too much techno, we aint been getting together enuf!!  

He put his phone number under my room door again.  Why don't I just call him on that cellphone like a regular human would do?  (insert laughtrack here)  

Because that's not the Hollywood way?  Because we'd rather have BBQs and laugh at the commoners?  I don't know...

(unknown period of actual time goes by)

Hey, what the fuck?

This is not Amsterdam!..................................................what happened?  these people are not speaking Dutch....is this just some weird extended part of the mushroom trip?  

Check chronometer!   Holy motherfucker.  I know that cannot be right.

Check another clock....the one outside the,   

outside the, the Seven Eleven?  

Wtf?!!

This looks like anytown USA----this is not possible.  

Ok, I will play along.....I will go ask someone...first make sure they can see and hear me------I hate it when THAT happens--that I am moving so fast no one around can see/hear me.  Oh a bad trip/'episode' that is!  

Excuse me sir, but do you see me?  Yes, good...what time is it?  Ok....and the date?

What??!!!!

Can you please  pa-please repeat that..I did not hear you right...It is June 1st two thousand and WHAT?

2010?  Ha ha ha ha, you are very funny!

What?  Ok, come out--wherever you all are--very funny NOT!   Ok, Lynn, Linda, jaime, Saul etc--funny enuf!!

--I dont know who built this set here and put me here--but get me back to the Beethoven Hotel

on the Prinsengracht NOW!!

(endless time goes by and no one responds)

Ok, I will call on the sellphone----oh shit, where is it?  Where is my ID? Money, wallet, passports?

Oh Jeez!  

Seriously, I better walk--get the fuck away from here!---

(walking fast to be alone)

Finally I see a friendly looking "middle-aged" woman--excuse me maddame, what is the date today?

What!?  You are telling me it is not 2007?  

We are really in 2010?!!  And what is this town called?

Sacramento!

Holy Shit!

1

"Judith" and other strange

This is an exerpt from a diary that one of the main characters in the book keeps. She is a person who began our relationship as a stalker. I was the person she was stalking. She, for purposes unknown will calledl herself Judith K.

Andre S. Lange--recall the book is set in Amsterdam, NL, in mainly winter of 2007.

Judith K.'s  Diary

I don't know why I am like, covertly surveying him....why don't I just use my "actress-appeal?" /name-recognition and blow his mind and just make him 'go after me?'

He sees me, acknowledges it and yet, does not come running after me.....has not asked me for my autograph nor has he given me any of that (adorable) 'fan-behaviour.".......why? WTF? HISS!

I think it must be true what many in the industry have told me, he's been around a lot of movie-type and music-industry-type people in his life, and is just not that impressed....he seems to want to "get to know the person" before he even decides he likes her or not....strange--so unusual. I, feel like Mary magdolen, "I don't know how to harm him..."

My friend Natalie, who works at a few escort agencies in Amsterdam, saw him yesterday at Kinko's on Overtoom. He was, like checking email and stuff from back home (she walked behind his screen several times while there)--but he printed out a few pictures--all of women, one of me! I wonder if he's going to put it up in his hotel room or use it for "other purposes." I ought to "introduce myself" straightforwardly to him......but not in any way he could possibly expect, or be ready for. Hmmm.....maybe natalie could get me, a fake "temporary job" as an escort for one of those agencies....one he likes...i could be the "red-head" who shows up at his door, yeah, at 3 am......nice. I am thinking definitely a labial piercing.  I hear he does nice work.

Judith

Accidental Hostage In Amsterdam

First and foremost, know that this is a work of fiction. The stories and 
characters are conflations and amalgams of people and times shared over many 
visits the author has made to this most unique port city. If names of characters 
happen to be similar or identical to real living beings, it was purely chance and has 
nothing to do with the real person (if indeed there actually is one,) who may also 
share the name of a character. Next, know that this is completely irrelevant with
respect to almost everything. The year 2007 was chosen for no good reason
either, except that it had to be sometime.

In 2007, a bit of good fortune came my way after 3 hard years. I decided to celebrate by taking a nice vacation. I chose my favorite place in the world, Amsterdam.

I had booked a great hotel for a month and a half, outside the canal circle, away from the red light district, etc....however events beyond my wildest imagination (and believe me, it's pretty wild!) occurred that more or less made it nearly, well, practically impossible for me to leave after my "vacation" was up.

First, there were the sightings........not U.F.O.'s but, those would hardly be noticed in Amsterdam anyway....I mean sightings of "familiar people." Some of these happened to be rock musicians, some were actors from TV shows I'd seen in the US. I was amused, but paid no real attention, at first, to this, as I figured correctly that the Dutch, in general would recognize them less and "swarm" them not, having more sensibility for a person's privacy (even if that person is CUR-SED enough to be a "celebrity.")--so the stars I saw there seemed totally at ease. Just "like" regular people walking down the street, taking snapshots of the canals. Some very, very famous ones sometimes walked with bodyguards, but not in any fashion that hinted at worry or nervousness.

After experiencing the many charms of the city for 1.5 months, I decided I should perhaps stay a little longer. Problem was, tourist season was beginning and lots of hotels were booked in advance....so I had to hunt around and move around the city fairly frequently. Partially, this was a drag but it also helped me "get the feel" of living in various parts of A'dam (Amsterdam). Somewhere into the second month, I started noticing a certain woman "often" around town (an American actress from a  TV show)--methinks a bit too often to be mere chance. At each "pop in," she made lots of eye contact and smiled dazzlingly.....I became intrigued....the "pop ins" occurred not infrequently....increasing gradually to twice, thrice a day!....I became more and more bewildered by her...why would someone like her pick someone like me to stalk?  Lots of bizarre and exquisitely improbable things began to happen.

 Suddenly, in a flash I realized I was not there by accident, and I was not there just to take a vacation--I was not there just to write a book, I was there to change my life radically and this beautiful and unusual woman would have something to do
with it! Indeed, my original idea was simply to travel to several cities and towns and make notes, meeting as many Dutch folks as I could and to interview them, about anything!

 I interviewed people about their jobs, their past, whatever they wanted to talk about that they felt was interesting. Many of their stories are in this book, but alas, there was not room to use all the interviews.  Thus, I have more material for future fictional Amsterdamic sagas!...(should this novel be kindly-received.)  My name is Dr. Andre S. Lange and I practiced Psychiatry in the San Francisco Bay area for about 15 years before several sequential, terrible, twisted events came to pass.  But, those were in the "hard years" I mentioned above, 2004 through 2006. They will be described in later chapters.  The idea came to me that perhaps this lovely creature knew I was interviewing people, and was "being around," hoping I would interview her.  The notion filled me with glee.